The first couple of years were hard. I tried to keep my post natal depression under wraps. I did some research and found out the name of an anti depressant I could take that wouldn't be addictive. In the mean time I took various Bach Flower Remedies to alleviate my mood. To say I lost myself for a couple of years is an understatement.
As my son grew older I gradually had more time for myself. I began to take up various creative pursuits and in 2008 started this blog. Writing the blog was my saviour. In order to have something to write about I had to 'do' something worth writing about. The fun part was then taking photos and putting a blog post together.
Last year I knew that my life was going to go through a big change again with my son leaving home to go to University. I wondered what would become of me now I no longer had to be the stay at home Mum. I had saved up some money and went in secret to see a life coach in the hope that she could put me on a new pathway. It turned out to be more of a counselling session as I wept at no longer knowing who I was anymore. She gave me some constructive advice but really it was just affirmations to me of what I already knew. She said to create a mood board of anything I liked the look of and just keep adding to it, taking images from magazine or words of inspiration etc. I think she believed in the power of attraction and that by putting up images of what you liked those things would come to you. In speaking to her I realised that I wanted to have a 'good enough' job so that I could bring in an income. I left her house feeling that I had a plan to move forward and that I would focus on getting a job. Without money life pretty much comes to a standstill.
Within 6 months I had a job. Six months on - I have a new streamlined physique and a positive frame of mind. I can understand why there are so many books, magazines, blogs and websites about mindfulness now. The mind is SO powerful.
To return to the beginning of this post - for nineteen years I feel like I was lost in a forest. I was being Mum (not so much of a wife, if I am honest) but I had lost all sense of who I was at the core. Each day I would start out in the forest, going around and around in circles or going over places I had already been desperately searching for me. Once I stopped and stood still and let go trying to find myself anymore, things started to reveal themselves to me.
My pathway has been as follows:
- Get into the correct mindset (without this I wouldn't have had the confidence to apply for a job)
- Get a job (a 'good enough' one)
- Start to eat a healthier diet (for me, 3 meals a day, plant based diet, no snacking)
- Self care and nurturing (Epsom salt baths and body pampering)
- Exercise (daily walking to work and VIPR fitness lesson once a week)
I still need to make time for my hobbies and crafts but at the moment my 'hobby' is very much about personal development.
I hope that my story will give hope to anyone stuck in a rut. Decide what you want from your life and then make small steps towards achieving it and above all be your own best friend.
*picture above from issue 8 of Breathe magazine